“Roll Out the Red Carpet”
In association with Secrets in Lace
Café De Paris
One of my first thoughts when I was asked to review this Show were “What should I expect?” I had never been to a Burlesque Show before. I knew there would be some naked flesh, raunchy music and lots of feathers and fans but that was as far as my knowledge went.
A visit to the website at www.londonburlesquefest.com/ offered a host of information detailing who, where and when. We are told we will see performers from all over the globe promising more glitz, glam and sizzling striptease than any other Burlesque Show in 2010. A look at their promotional video confirms this! I feel we are in safe hands with Chaz Royal. A man, who has been responsible for the production of over 500 shows since 2001 in a bid to revive this glamorous and raunchy art. This production looks to be a big undertaking as you look through the “Show Time” page of the website. Performing at eight different venues over five days, with over 150 performers, there must be a little something here for everyone.
You soon come to realize they couldn’t have chosen a better venue for this burlesque soiree!! Red carpet with golden chairs juxtaposition either side, the wonderful set included a D.J. booth on the balcony hosting two sexy female stewards playing great tunes like “Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby”, “Fly Me To The Moon” and the wonderful Nina Simone’s “Sugar In My Bowl”, the best jazz and blues artist of this era. The atmosphere was smokin’; stunning models sashaying back and forth, unveiling Secrets in Lace authentic stockings and the audiences’ great effort set the scene and matched to perfection the fashion of the 1940s era with felt hats, finger waved hair and flowing vintage swing dresses it certainly made you feel you were on the Set of a 1940s movie!!
Ivy page took to the stage presenting herself, with great humour and sarcasm, cutting one heckler down to size with the line “It looks like your trousers are doing the talking for themselves sir!” It has to be said, after a couple of glasses of wine, who would not succumb to her sharp but, none the less cute charms. Ivy introduced the charming Agent Lynch who seduced our eyes with the models wearing jungle seductions from the Bettie Page Leopard Group and Dita Von Teese stocking range, all available for your late night viewing at www.secretsinlace.com. What followed was an introduction to all the girls that were performing during the evening, a perfect opportunity for them to strut, cavort and pose on the red carpet for all the wandering eyes and camera lenses to devour.
Ivy Page took to the stage once again, to perform a wonderful rendition of the song “Burlesque and Blues” belting out her talents, you could almost taste the plush velvet and rising smoke of the jazz and blues bars from the days of old.
The first burlesque performer of the night was the lovely BB Rose displaying what seemed to be a Spanish theme, with the beautiful hues of the Mediterranean, in her performance. BB concealed her modesty with a bird like fan, resembling the colours of the Spanish flag. The climax of her act drew breath, as she set her nipple tassels alight!
Next up was a complete surprise Charlie Chaplin? Well he turned out to be Betty Bottom Dollar and worth every dollar she was. Humorous from the outset with her trousers falling fowl to the forces of gravity she gets raucous applause from her backing track. This clearly does nothing for Charlie’s coyness but just as her backing track audience boos Charlie off, the amazing transformation occurs. Unleashing, her rupunzian golden locks as the bowler hat is made history and we are overwhelmed by the blossoming young girl.
The beautiful Chris Columbine was up next; wooing us with her piano artistry. Looking pretty in pink, pink rose in her hair to suit she dazzled us, amazed us then turned on her charms, toyed with us, revealing a bra full of rose petals and climaxing in a shower of champagne.
Still breathless from Betty, we were presented with the raunchy and sophisticated Honey Lu Lu. Looked dashing in her blue velvet, the curiosity was working overtime! What will this young fox be wearing under this elegant outfit. We wouldn’t have to wait too long! Teased off first were the arm length gloves and then…….. This lady was clearly hot stuff! Out came the fire, running her sticks of fire over her beautiful curves to a Pulp Fiction sound track, Honey took us to the climax by means of oral extinguish! So the evening continued with some very entertaining and humorous performances by Lola Labelle, Ben flaunting his big 10 inch, the only male on the bill, Ecuador the Wizard who can certainly be described as entertaining as well as very brave, funny and daring. The blonde bombshell sailor girl Slinky Sparkle, with underwear as sweet as cherries quite literally and dressed in red the Sugar Blue Review. Our finale left us “Wishing on a Star” for a Magic Mermaid. This was Venus Vuna’s final performance before retiring, swimming away to her island in the sun.
All that is left to be said is this was a wonderful evening of humour, glamour, sophistication and titillation. I would see this again as I found it simply entertaining in so many ways!! 
Simon Stone at www.simonstone.bandzoogle.com
Nina Vanns at www.myspace.com/carpetloungelizards
